Okay, I know that the title of this post is kind of cliche, but I’m going to write about it because this is me having my aha! moment. I suppose there is a touch of the whole “Eat, Pray, Love” thing (though I haven’t actually read it) but bear with me.
When I was in elementary school I was queen bee; the boys liked me, the girls wanted to be my friend, I was smart (and made exceptional grades) and basically was just all around “living the life” (though as I’m writing this, I realize that sounds kind of sad). When I was 12, however, my family and I moved to another city and everything kind of turned around. I’m 98% positive that my anxiety kicked in at that age because of hormones and the like but basically I became this shy little 12 year old in a completely alien setting.
I was fiercely passionate about being my own individual self but there was also always a part of me that wanted to be popular again. In my particular school that essentially meant doing things like going to the tanning bed, having a boyfriend (of course), going to parties, having parents that didn’t care what I did and basically acting a lot older than I really was. Even since going to college there has still been a part of me that wants to live the elite southern socialite life; going to swanky country clubs and luncheons, having a wealthy husband (I know, my inner feminist is cringing), and generally not having a care in the world (especially financial)…
I recently posted about this book I’m reading by SARK, “Make Your Creative Dreams Real.” This books has just motivated me so so much to work on figuring out what I want (not what I think other people would like me for). And that is where being “in a relationship” with myself comes in. Instead of focusing on finding a boyfriend, I want to seek my own dreams and be my own person. After all, you always hear that a relationship can’t work if you aren’t happy with yourself.
So, this is another one of my goals: to stop focusing on other people’s view of me (particularly the opposite sex) and focus on my own fulfillment and purpose. It’s going to be difficult– I mean I will literally have to change the way I think. But hey, making a goal is the first step, right?
Natalie Hope 