Honest , Vulnerable

Disclaimer: I’m about to talk about how lonely I am. Also, the post is me being honest and vulnerable but not that vulnerable because… Well, nobody I actually know follows or knows about this blog (that I know of).

I am lonely.

I am also cold (a little less important)…. Mostly the cold factor just makes me want to cuddle with someone more. Not post about it as a subtweet on Twitter or on Yik Yak. I want an actual person to be physically close to.

The past week has brought up a lot of anxiety for me, particularly concerning my future plans after graduation. But also anxiety that I haven’t made the most of my college years. I’m not ready to leave college; I have no idea what I want to do not to mention the fact that I haven’t made nearly as many close and meaningful relationships as I’ve wanted. Don’t get me wrong, I have some very close friends that I cherish and love… But I also want a romantic relationship– so much.

Now, as I’m writing this, I’m thinking– “Well duh, you still have over a semester to get to know people.” But somehow it doesn’t seem that simple.. Because I have school and work and those take up a lot of time and energy!

I just want to be able to sink into a relationship and have it feel like home immediately without all the uncertainty and “getting to know you” stuff. I hate that stuff– “How are you?” “Good.. You?” “Good,” etc. Small talk is one of my least favorite things… No wonder I’m not in a relationship!

I also want someone to be genuinely interested in me… to think I’m funny and beautiful and interesting… who I also think is attractive and has a good personality and all those things. It doesn’t seem like a huge thing to want or ask for but here I am, 21 years old (almost 22) and I’ve never been in a relationship. What makes it harder is that a lot of people around me (what feels like MOST) have been in love and had sex… Lots of times, no less!! I feel like some kind of spinster! I don’t want to live my life alone.

So thanks for taking a second to read this post; I feel a little better… Though I’m still craving a cuddle buddy.
Peace and blessin’s.