Job Searchin’

So far my Christmas break has been amazing; I haven’t had to worry about school or work AND I’ve gotten to spend time with my family and some old friends. I decided before I came home that I would use this time to brainstorm some ideas for my post grad life and I’ve come up with a few vague things. Although I mostly have just been watching Netflix and cuddling with my puppies. I have no complaints.

The first thing I’ve asked myself is what am I looking for in my next chapter? I’ve come up with a few answers:
1. A new city
2. A fulfilling job
3. A healthy lifestyle
4. Opportunities to cultivate positive and meaningful relationships
5. The pleasure and fulfillment of helping others

I realize that these goals are lofty and I am maybe being too idealistic but I honestly believe these things are out there for me. And after all, idealism is my signature as an INFP.

Anyway, I’ve listed my goals and now the goal is to find a job that meets all of them. And this is where I feel totally clueless… I don’t believe I can label my dream job yet, a problem I constantly have when researching careers. “Psychologist” or “Sales Associate” just aren’t really my ideal. I’ve browsed LinkedIn and followed my favorite companies. When I get back to school I will meet with some career counselors but in the meantime I’ll just have to continue brainstorming what exactly I am looking for.

Though this whole graduating college thing is a bit daunting, I am really excited to start the next chapter of my life! I feel really positive, happy and excited about it! So Cheers to 2015 and here’s to hoping that everyone has an awesome year.

Honest , Vulnerable

Disclaimer: I’m about to talk about how lonely I am. Also, the post is me being honest and vulnerable but not that vulnerable because… Well, nobody I actually know follows or knows about this blog (that I know of).

I am lonely.

I am also cold (a little less important)…. Mostly the cold factor just makes me want to cuddle with someone more. Not post about it as a subtweet on Twitter or on Yik Yak. I want an actual person to be physically close to.

The past week has brought up a lot of anxiety for me, particularly concerning my future plans after graduation. But also anxiety that I haven’t made the most of my college years. I’m not ready to leave college; I have no idea what I want to do not to mention the fact that I haven’t made nearly as many close and meaningful relationships as I’ve wanted. Don’t get me wrong, I have some very close friends that I cherish and love… But I also want a romantic relationship– so much.

Now, as I’m writing this, I’m thinking– “Well duh, you still have over a semester to get to know people.” But somehow it doesn’t seem that simple.. Because I have school and work and those take up a lot of time and energy!

I just want to be able to sink into a relationship and have it feel like home immediately without all the uncertainty and “getting to know you” stuff. I hate that stuff– “How are you?” “Good.. You?” “Good,” etc. Small talk is one of my least favorite things… No wonder I’m not in a relationship!

I also want someone to be genuinely interested in me… to think I’m funny and beautiful and interesting… who I also think is attractive and has a good personality and all those things. It doesn’t seem like a huge thing to want or ask for but here I am, 21 years old (almost 22) and I’ve never been in a relationship. What makes it harder is that a lot of people around me (what feels like MOST) have been in love and had sex… Lots of times, no less!! I feel like some kind of spinster! I don’t want to live my life alone.

So thanks for taking a second to read this post; I feel a little better… Though I’m still craving a cuddle buddy.
Peace and blessin’s.

Morning Yoga

I’ve been back in New Orleans for about a month now and I still don’t feel as though I’ve established a good routine. I’ve been meaning to start a good exercise routine as well as work and school. Well, school is pretty stable and work varies. I still haven’t been exercising as much as I want (at all, really).

During the summer I was walking and doing yoga just about everyday, with most of my yoga sessions lasting an hour or longer. Coming back to school, however, made it hard to establish a good routine. I also am not one to embrace working out in front of others so it’s been hard for me to motivate myself to go to the park and run or walk.

I finally decided to get up and do some yoga… And boy was I tight. However, instead being angry with myself for not practicing for a month, I’m going to take it as a testament to the fact that you really do have to practice to keep up the skill. My ideal routine would be to spend an hour or more doing yoga every day (or every couple of days) but hey, baby steps, right?

Maybe this will motivate me to actually go to the park! I even got some new running shoes so I won’t get shin splints (aka the reason I always quit running).

Some other challenges I experienced this morning while doing yoga were focusing and getting through the whole routine. Usually, at the beginning of a session the little speaker in the app says, “take these 30 minutes to concentrate only on your body and breathing,” and usually I’m pretty good at that. This morning, I noticed that my attention was constantly elsewhere, thinking about future plans and past plans, or the dream I had last night, etc. So hopefully, my focus will come back as well.

It would be really easy to fall into a pattern of guilt about not exercising as much as I need and want to. But instead of falling into that negative mindset, I want to move forward with motivation of being in good health.

And here is a picture I found on Pinterest that I really like (not sure who the artist is):

Senior Year

It’s been a while since I last posted… I have been incredibly busy with sorority recruitment. But! It is finally over, and we now have 24 perfect new members. I love them all already!!

I have also started my senior year of college… It’s so hard to believe that this is my final year here in New Orleans and that I will soon be leaving all of my friends behind. I seriously think every day about the fact that this is my last year… I’m hoping that it’s just because it’s the beginning of the school year… Hopefully I’ll get out of the funk soon. When people ask me what I’m going to do after graduation, I usually say I don’t know yet. The thing is- I do know what I want to do. But it is really really really scary to think about actually doing it.

I would like to travel to New Zealand and work on an organic farm in exchange for shelter and food. I want to gain some life experience while being able to travel to a beautiful place. I believe in the logistics of doing it- from that perspective it seems totally doable. But when I think about myself being all alone in a completely different hemisphere of the world well, I get a little scared.

For now I am really thankful for all of my sisters in Alpha Chi Omega. This recruitment season has taught me so much about my friends and sisters. I’ve gotten to know some people who I really hadn’t talked to much before. My goals for the year are (obviously) to do well academically but ESPECIALLY cultivate meaningful relationships while I’m in such an ideal environment. I know from my friends who have already graduated that making new friendships outside of college is much harder and I want to make sure that I don’t take any relationships for granted.

I want to step out of my comfort zone and do some extroverted exploration!!

The beginning of this semester has been a little rocky since so much time had to be devoted to Alpha Chi Omega. But I’m taking this week to get back on track with academics, and from there on I will pursue my other goals.

I am scared of graduation and life after but I’m determined to make this last year the best!!

Self Interview

For whatever reason, I constantly imagine what I would say if interviewed. Think… a star on Jimmy Fallon talking about their latest creative pursuit. Think… Some fan at comic-con getting to talk to their idol about their favorite fictional creation.

I guess there is some part of me that wants to be famous… Otherwise, why would I spend so much time entertaining the thought of being interviewed? Well, it doesn’t seem like I’ll get famous any time soon so in the mean time, my latest creative pursuit is to interview myself. Ask and answer some of the questions that I fantasize about so often. It’s my way of pursuing creativity… So if anyone actually reads this- thank you! And if not, well, it’s really more for me than anyone else.

So, here we go.

(It is probably worth mentioning that as I try to intentionally come up with a question, I can’t think of any.)

Q: What was the saddest moment of your life? [channelling my inner HONY]
A: My sister had brain cancer a few years ago. She died in 2013… But I don’t think her death was the saddest moment because in a lot of ways it was a good thing… She loved Harry Potter; Dumbledore was always saying that there were a lot of things that were worse than death. He was totally right… Some suffering is so much worse and she went through a lot of suffering. I would say the saddest moments were times when… She felt so bad that she would lay on the couch while the rest of us (family) shared a meal. Or when she felt like she wasn’t beautiful on her wedding day because of the way the steroids made her face puffy. Things like that were so hard to watch. I miss her so much, I really really do. But I would rather her be in some lovely place in the clouds than here with me and our family suffering.

Q: What was the happiest moment in your life?
A: My siblings and I weren’t super close until at least one of us had moved out of the house to go to college; in this case it was my oldest sister, Emily. Of course when she moved away we all became really close. So there were times during school breaks that the four of us would just sit in the living room and talk to each other and laugh and get to know each other. They are and were my best friends, but better than that. I will cherish those moments always. They weren’t anything glamorous or even special holidays necessarily; it was the company that made those times so amazing.

Personality Types… My Nerdy Hobby

My current spurt of inspiration is coming from a couple of platforms. Firstly, I recently purchased and read (in about 15 minutes), “Steal Like an Artist,” by Austin Kleon. Secondly a few of my close friends and I have a group text where we were talking about each of our personality types.

So the “Steal Like an Artist” motivation is making me want to create things- whether writing or music while the conversation about personality types has given me something to entertain myself with for a while.

I play this game where I go through my mental list of friends and try to peg their personality types starting with E or I then N or S then T or F and finally P or J. For the record, I’m an INFP, and I’m proud to say that “writing” is listed as a suggested profession, followed by “social work” which is what I’m leaning toward right now. Anyway, after mentally pegging each person’s type, I posted a status on Facebook and got some interesting answers!… If only there was a way to make all of my friends comment with their types…

Not only is this a fun way to keep myself entertained but it’s also a really insightful way to understand other people. For example, I have this one friend who is an INFJ and lately I have been feeling a little tension in our relationship. Well, looking at her personality type, I can see that neither of us like conflict or confrontation which tells me that if either of us has a problem with the other then we’re not very likely to talk about it. Further, I fluctuate between P and J, so perhaps the similarity in our personalities isn’t the best combination sometimes.

Something else that I’ve noticed in general is that a lot of thinkers and judgers tend to be more outspoken about their beliefs, which I, as an INFP, sometimes take personally. I have to constantly remind myself to not take things so personally.

So that is my brief two cents on the subject of personality tests. As far as creativity goes… My hope is to become a better writer through this blog. I suspect that part of that is actually spending more time on writing posts; so far, I usually write in a burst of motivation without going back to edit (blame the perceiver in me). One suggestion that Austin Kleon gives in his book is to keep a log book which I plan to do. I also want to spend more time playing music because it truly is something I love to do but I get frustrated when I compare myself to others and give up.

I Might Be Obsessed With Self Help Books

When I was growing up I loved reading.  Fiction was my favorite; I’m a huge Harry Potter fan in addition to so many others.  In fact, I recently had to clean out my childhood and teenage collection of books…It was no simple feat.  

As I’ve grown older, I’ve started reading non fiction (a word that used to make me shake my head in disgust) and I have particularly discovered a love for self help books.  I’m coming to realize that it’s mostly because I love reading, validating and relating to the authors who write the books.  They somehow put into words what I can only think of and I absolutely love it.  

Take SARK’s book for example (you know, the one I’ve been raving about); I think about 90% of the pages have my green pen scribbled all over them underlining things I’ve thought or related to before.  

Part of my venture of writing this blog is to enhance my writing skills (and verbal skills for that matter).  I constantly find myself searching for the right words to communicate my thoughts.  How refreshing it is to seek and find that in my favorite self help books!!

On a slightly related note, I got the app “Elevate” recently (similar to Lumosity)- it is supposed to essentially enhance your brain.  One of the activities is geared to help speaking and writing skills.  So, hopefully my blogging and app-ing will essentially help me as a writer!! 

In the meantime, I’ll be getting to work on reading my giant list of self help books!

Being in a relationship with mySELF

Okay, I know that the title of this post is kind of cliche, but I’m going to write about it because this is me having my aha! moment.  I suppose there is a touch of the whole “Eat, Pray, Love” thing (though I haven’t actually read it) but bear with me.

When I was in elementary school I was queen bee; the boys liked me, the girls wanted to be my friend, I was smart (and made exceptional grades) and basically was just all around “living the life” (though as I’m writing this, I realize that sounds kind of sad).  When I was 12, however, my family and I moved to another city and everything kind of turned around.  I’m 98% positive that my anxiety kicked in at that age because of hormones and the like but basically I became this shy little 12 year old in a completely alien setting.

 I was fiercely passionate about being my own individual self but there was also always a part of me that wanted to be popular again.  In my particular school that essentially meant doing things like going to the tanning bed, having a boyfriend (of course), going to parties, having parents that didn’t care what I did and basically acting a lot older than I really was.  Even since going to college there has still been a part of me that wants to live the elite southern socialite life; going to swanky country clubs and luncheons, having a wealthy husband (I know, my inner feminist is cringing), and generally not having a care in the world (especially financial)…

I recently posted about this book I’m reading by SARK, “Make Your Creative Dreams Real.”  This books has just motivated me so so much to work on figuring out what I want (not what I think other people would like me for).  And that is where being “in a relationship” with myself comes in.  Instead of focusing on finding a boyfriend, I want to seek my own dreams and be my own person.  After all, you always hear that a relationship can’t work if you aren’t happy with yourself.  

So, this is another one of my goals: to stop focusing on other people’s view of me (particularly the opposite sex) and focus on my own fulfillment and purpose.  It’s going to be difficult– I mean I will literally have to change the way I think.  But hey, making a goal is the first step, right?

Inspiration and motivation, courtesy of SARK!

I am writing my latest post to talk about this fantastical experience I am having right now: reading SARK’s book, “Make Your Creative Dreams Real.”

I’d heard about SARK before from one of my childhood friend’s mother who also happens to be a great role model of mine.  As it turns out, she used to work with the current Dean of the school that I go to and that dean told her about SARK who is this majestic and intensely creative author and artist.   I saw and liked her work but never got around to getting one of her many books.

I had no idea that my dear sister had purchased (or been given) one of SARK’s books.  I found it over the weekend and to my surprise and joy, I realized that Emily (my sister) had written in it!  So as I am reading it, I am making notes as well about my own creative dreams.  Eventually I’ll pass it around to the rest of my family who will do the same and we will compare notes at the end!

(Side note: In case you don’t know, Emily died about a year ago from brain cancer.  I found the book while going through some of her old things, so as I’m sure you can imagine, it’s nice to have a little piece of her.  Especially in the form of her written dreams. )

On to the creative part of the story: This book is just a great motivator and supporter of not only creative dreams but life goals in general.  I am so inspired by it! There is a section about thinking positively instead of negatively and even with a couple of days of reading it, I already feel it at work in my life.

Tonight I was flipping through channels while making a few notes in the book and happened to come across a channel that was airing an old episode of “Full House.”  In this particular episode, Danny and DJ are trying their hand at dating, which proves to be more difficult than expected.  In the end (you know, the cheesy part with the sappy music), Danny describes to Michelle that he and DJ ended up having a fun night because they made up their minds to, not because it just magically happened.

I then flipped to another channel which was playing Maya Rudolph’s new variety show where I was reminded of the creativity of so many talented comedians coming together to help Maya pursue her creative dream.

I can’t wait to write more about the book and topics in it; right now I’m trying to organize all my thoughts about the many subjects it covers.  I also want to seek out some people to discuss it with because it is something I am deeply passionate about (creativity, that is… and pursuing one’s dreams)!!  Essentially I am just so motivated and inspired right now because of this book and it is a spectacular feeling!!

 

PS If you’ve read SARK’s books and have had a similar experience, please feel free to contact me (let me know in the comments)! I would love to connect over this experience.  I think there are opportunities to connect via her website as well… which is where I’m headed next! 😉

Social Justice… and the Difficult Task of Achieving It: How I learned about The Representation Project

After taking a course called Development of Social Thought in the fall of 2013, I decided to minor in sociology (I’m a psychology major if you’re wondering).  The course just briefly touched upon the major sociologists and their fundamental ideas and it sparked an interest in me that I decided to pursue. Fast forward to spring of 2014 and I started taking 4 sociology classes (and 2 psych classes).  This semester has been challenging but mostly rewarding in that it has helped me discover a passion for social justice.  And how fitting, since I go to a Jesuit university!  In particular, a class called Sociology of Food and Food Justice has really made an impact on me.  Of course we study food justice but it goes much deeper than that.

For a lot of the semester I’ve been at a loss; I can tell you all about problems but finding a solution was really bugging me.  And on top of that, I couldn’t quite express in words how I felt about social justice.  Honestly there are just so many problems with society that it’s overwhelming!! Luckily, I stumbled upon this video (go ahead, watch now!) and my task got just a little bit easier.  I loved everything about it! For starters it talks about starting the change with children which is so important because children are so malleable and flexible in the way they think and learn!  If we start by teaching children about equality and justice, it is sure to stick more than if adults with preconceived notions are taught about it later.  And honestly, who as an adult, has time on top of work and everyday life to take courses and understand the depth of injustice?? (This is one of the reasons I love college: I can spend all my time learning, and that is my full time job.)  Secondly I love this project because it attacks the issue of achieving social justice from the way media is presented.  Media is such an important factor in deciding how people behave and make decisions and so many other things! Of course girls are going to be self conscious when they can’t figure out why they can’t look just like the model on a billboard (it’s because there’s no such thing as photoshop in real life)!  And these days, advertisements are everywhere; it’s not like you can just avoid media.

Well, I wanted to know more about this project, so I went to their website and found that I could sign a pledge saying, “I pledge to use my voice to challenge society’s limiting representations of gender.”  Of course I signed it, but I wanted to do more!  So, I signed up to be a rep and become a part of leading this great movement.  I’m just getting started in our quest for social justice, but with The Representation Project, I couldn’t be more confident that we can make a change!